CindySilver

Jacky boy

2006-05-24T12:35:00.000-07:00

So it is 2006 and I have had Jack the white fluffy maltese puppy cutie pie since June 2005. Nearly a year! He's still ridiculously cute, and I have never been so in love. Kind of sad, though, looking back at my 2004 blog, seeing that I once wanted to name my son "Jack"... well, now that's impossible, unless I want to be naming children after my pets. :)

Jacky had a bout of fleas last week, his first. He went in some tall grass, and apparently his flea meds had worn off... he was all chewy, and biting, and scratching, very sad. I got Advantix, but it didn't work! I think I need to use the step-up in dog size since he's on the cusp. 9.7 pounds that little sucker.

Studying for the USMLE's lately. Taking them June 5th, exceedingly unprepared as of right now. Boyfriend went out of town for a week, so hopefully that will help me focus and study my booty off for the next 8 days. So MANY diseases to memorize, sigh...

That is all... finding out you have a blog is rather fun :)

Erin's quiz. I always have to do these quizzy things.

2004-12-21T20:30:00.000-08:00

I, too, am very very bored. PseudoBoyfriend went out with his buddies to drink and be boys, and I was invited, but I do not really enjoy hanging out with those buddies. Also I don't feel like drinking. Which is unusual. But anyway. So I am in his apartment by myself, stealing his internet, and doing stupid quizzes. ;) THANKS, ERIN. :-P

Three Names You Go By: Cindy, Silvergirl, Bindy
Three Screennames You Have: CindySillyKid, CindySilver4, MashedPotatoFang (whee!)
Three Things You Like About Yourself: my intelligence, my silliness, my blondness
Three Things You Dislike About Yourself: 1. I often do things that even piss ME off, so I'm sure they're pissing other people off, but I can't stop myself. Like not going out tonight. Pseudo was angry, I could tell. But I am just so pissy. Who knows why? Women make no sense. 2. I am too silly sometimes. 3. This CRAZY AMBITION THAT MAKES ME NEED TWO DOCTORATES. I mean seriously. Who needs two doctorates??? Me. That's who.
Three Parts of Your Heritage: Oh dear God, I don't know. American since 1699.
Three Things That Scare You: Needles going into eyeballs, dead people, and watching plays or live music (I am afraid they'll mess up or fall over or something. But it's the fear that makes it good. It's like roller coasters.)
Three of Your Everyday Essentials: coffee, music, a very hot shower
Three Things You Are Wearing Right Now: snowflake pajama pants (microfleece! yay!), teal socks, and a University of Miami School of Medicine T-shirt.
Three of Your Favorite Bands/Artists (at the moment): Asian Kung-Fu Generation, Tool, Tiesto
Three of Your Favorite Songs at Present: Ladytron - Seventeen; Orbital - Halcyon & on & on; and Janet Jackson - This Time.
Three New Things You Want to Try in the Next 12 Months: I don't want to do anything new. I hate new things. Just kidding. Um. Call people I haven't talked to in a while more often; be more social; and memorize everyone's names in my med school class.
Three Things You Want in a Relationship (love is a given): incredible sex, happiness, comfort
Two Truths and Lie: I really like snuggling with my cat, I really like Lord of the Rings, and I really like poop.
Three Physical Things About the Opposite Sex (or same) That Appeal to You: Dark skin, beautiful hands, and a fascinating mind
Three Things You Just Can't Do: (apparently) BREAK UP WITH THE PSEUDO (because I love him, that fool!), wake up without pushing snooze at least twice, or stand on the edge of a cliff without trembling uncontrollably
Three of Your Favorite Hobbies: reading, watching anime or TV, and messing about on the internet.
Three Things You Want to do Really Badly Right Now: have a two-month vacation from school, become instantly so brilliant that school would be totally manageable without studying, and know exactly what I want to do when I'm done with my SO MANY DOCTORATES.
Three Careers You're Considering: scientist, psychiatrist, writer
Three Places You Want to Go on Vacation: Paris, Greece, Bali
Three Kids' Names: Jack, Tom, or Charles
Three Things You Want to Do Before You Die: marry/have kids, be successful, be very blissfully happy
Three People You Want to Take this Quiz: Whoever wants to. :)

OKAY the end! Now to bed with me!

Ligaments! Stretchy!

2004-12-05T13:44:00.000-08:00

So this week in med school, I learned that my flat feet are extremely flat for the SAME REASON that my back, shoulders, hips, elbows, fingers, and multiple other joints are extremely "double-jointed". You know, fit my torso through a stringless tennis racket, and all that. Arms, tucked behind my neck.

BECAUSE I HAVE MESSED UP STRETCHY LIGAMENTS & TENDONS.

ALL OVER ME. TOO STRETCHY.

Whee, isn't learning fun?

I wonder if that means I am like Elastigirl. Or maybe I am just mutated. The TA in my musculoskeletal lab said that he had heard of a mutation that causes messed-up stretchy ligaments and random shoulder dislocations (JUST LIKE ME!!) and he told me the name of it (it was even on the BOARDS!) but I have already forgotten it.

Perhaps I should medline search it.

...Nah.

Traffic. Rant. Argh.

2004-11-30T23:18:00.000-08:00

Right now I am: Sitting at my desk in my room in Miami Beach; thinking, it’s 44 minutes until December, and I still haven’t had to wear a sweater outside -- life is SO GOOD HERE IN THE SUBTROPICS.

I went home for Thanksgiving last week, on Wednesday night, and I made the drive in 5 and a half hours – pretty good, if you ask me. Then after the weekend was over, I drove back to Miami. I left at 3:45 pm. I arrived at my apartment at 2:45 am. Yes, that’s 11 hours. Yes, that’s a 5 hour drive in 11 hours. Why? Because there was a lovely little stretch of the turnpike, 35 miles long, where there were no exits. And no rest stops. And about five hundred billion trillion cars. Crawling. Less than 1 mile an hour. My needle was stuck on zero. It never went above the little dash that means “5” miles an hour. Yes. Whee. So that was FIVE HOURS. FIVE HOURS SPENT GOING 35 MILES. I can bike faster than that. It was then like 1 in the morning and I wanted to die so much I nearly just went in the median and drove in the oncoming lanes. But I didn’t. I was all crying, and miserable, and everyone I could have called on my battery-dying-cell-phone was already in bed, just like I wanted to be in bed, I was so SLEEPY, so sleepy, just a little nappy poo right here in the car, it’s not like we’re moving, anyway.

AND. Then it cleared, suddenly, randomly, there was a rest stop that was crowded up like crazy, and then afterwards, there were like no cars. So all that traffic? No reason, no accident, no blockage – just SHEER NUMBERS OF CARS. It was basically my idea of hell. You know what made it worse? My iPod. Its battery died at the beginning of the first hour of that nonsense. And I was listening to the PoA audiobook, and it was right at the good part, when they do the time turner, and it was like ARGHHHFKDSHAWOR:KLHFDKLLSF Fuck. So. Yes. I had no PoA, and no good music, because Rural Florida apparently has no good radio stations at all. Wah.

Then afterwards, when I finally got to drive at a respectable 76 miles an hour, on a basically deserted highway for the rest of the way home, it seemed like I was FLYING I was going so fast. Weird how it seems that way.

Anyway. That was my little traffic rant. I hate cars, I hate the turnpike, and I am sad that I have to do another two holiday drives in the next 5 weeks…

My first "patient" -- the Cadaver.

2004-11-08T19:56:00.000-08:00

Before today, I had never seen a dead person.

Now, I have.

I met some cadavers today. This is graphic, don't read it if you will be upset by it.

Today we took our final exams in Immunology (which was horribly hard) and Micro (Virology, which was so easy and actually sort of fun to learn too – maybe I’ll work on viruses when I do my PhD?). Then I took a nap in the library on the yellow couch, which was a really fabulous way to spend an hour, because we then had three hours of Anatomy lecture in the afternoon. Hard core. In between the first and second lecture, I went downstairs to the fourth-floor labs with a group of other students and we opened the body tables to see the cadavers. ( We start dissecting Wednesday and we're supposed to see them early so we don't have a giant spaz the same day we start cutting.)

So... Responding to a poem about this whole anatomy business.

Last week we were assigned to read a poem: “Carnal Knowledge” by Dannie Abse. It describes a medical student’s experience of dissecting a cadaver during the Second World War in London, and addresses some of the implications of studying the human body in this way. In the first stanza, there is this line that describes the cadavers in the Dissecting Room... and it really stood out to me:

“…twenty / amazing sculptures waiting to be vandalized.”

I really identify with this line in a really intense, visceral way. I have always loved the varying shapes and movement of the human body. To me, the body is an incredible work of art that moves, breathes, thinks, and is exceptionally beautiful. I especially love seeing the human form as captured in art – my favorite sculptor is Auguste Rodin, a French artist who carved nudes out of marble in the late 1800s. I have several poster-sized framed photographs of his art on my walls at home: the famous “Le Baiser” (featuring a nude man and woman kissing on a stone block) among these. To me, the body is truly a sculpture and I am eternally amazed by my own.

I've only ever seen human bodies that were living, breathing, alive. Having thoughts, and dreams, and ambitions, and weird little complexes... these things that make us sentient and make us real.

And now I'm seeing my very first non-living human body. To see a human corpse unmoving on a table is emotionally draining enough – but then I imagine myself cutting it to pieces, learning from its insides, and I am certainly overwhelmed. It really is like vandalism, in a way. Some part of me, the non-intellecutual, hysterical, incredibly sensitive part of me, thinks this whole business is desecrating the human form.

But, I haven't actually done any dissecting yet. We shall see.

In the second stanza of the poem there was another line: “…your right hand, too, dissected, never belonged, / it seemed, to somebody once shockingly alive”. This line, for me, describes the essence of “Clinical Detachment” as we are supposed to learn during our Med School years. You can't be a good doctor without some emotion, but you also can't be a good doctor if you break into tears every time you tell someone they're dying. It's not "effective".

So, once we work on the bodies, we are not supposed to think of these cadavers as humans who once dreamed or loved or even drove a car; the idea is to completely distance ourselves from the person who once lived. For me the hardest part of the whole anatomy thing will definitely be developing this detachment... But then ... at the end of the gross Anatomy course, we have a service for the bodies. Until that point, we know nothing about them, not even their names or causes of death. Just that they chose, willingly, to donate their whole bodies to us so that we could learn medicine from their gift... But at the service, they tell you everything about them. Learning that the corpse you had flayed into tiny (yet very informative) bits had a name, a family, a house, a life – that will bring it all back home. I wonder if the others will cry then, even those who are all gung-ho about the anatomy labs.

The last line in that poem talks about the medical student himself, now grown up and aging, and he closes with the line: “…with my hand, my living hand.” For most of the students in our class, the most distressing part of dissection lab will likely be the brutal fact that we, too, will someday die and become as lifeless and still as the formaldehyde-soaked corpses from which we will learn so much. The comparison that Abse makes between the dissected hand of his cadaver and his own, still-living, hand – I think this is the crux of my emotional concern about anatomy. I see the cadaver, and until I can detach from it, I will be thinking of my own body being dead someday. And all the things that that implies about it all...

Despite all these misgivings, really, I'm not extremely upset. I am excited to learn anatomy from my cadaver. I have dissected my fair share of fetal pigs and frogs... But for this, I just feel a good deal of fear, worry, ... sigh. Babble babble...

Now: Actually meeting them.

So the first one I saw was M's, because I couldn’t find my own lab room (hospitals are so easy to get lost in) so I just followed him to his table. We opened the metal top and with A’s help (who looked just about as apprehensive and freaked out as I was, which was comforting because he usually is all cocky and confident) we unzipped the blue body bag inside the table. There was a elderly white person inside, face down, with very short-cropped white hair. I thought it was a man at first, since I couldn't see the face, but then I saw that the fingernails were long. They were painted red.... a really nice color. The lady looked like she could have been a grandma. I was quite unnerved. Her skin was all flattened on the back like she had been laying on her back a long time and the flesh was settling. It smelled like steel and formaldehyde and countless other chemicals in that room. It was so sterile. And it smelled a little like sadness.

I unzipped [info]exquisitemayhem’s table next, it was an old man, also face-down – so I still hadn’t seen any faces. Then we found the open table, where they do the "teaching dissections", and saw a partially-dissected person who was actually face-up. He was old too, with his mouth cut open in two slits, and his eyes were missing.

I basically took one look and just turned and walked directly out of there.

It was so freaky. And the red nail polish. So sad. God.

When I got back to the lecture hall, I was reasonably calm, I had washed my hands and I hadn’t vomited or passed out or anything, though I did feel quite weak in the knees. My roommate asked me how I felt and I got all bleary-eyed and was like “It was gross… and really, really sad.” I thought about that lady’s nail polish and then just tried so very hard not to cry overtly... But after a few minutes, I was all right again. Lecture was starting anyhow.

So I am going back to the labs tomorrow to meet my own cadaver (I hear from my partner that it’s a man, and he’s apparently "not fat") and to try to get all my emotional problems out of the way before I have to cut him open on Wednesday afternoon.

The end. Okay.

Now instead of going out tonight, to celebrate the end of the immuno/micro module, I’m staying in, watching TV (CSI Miami) and Elfen Lied (a new, REALLY excellent and violent and sexy and awesome, anime) and chill and try to get to bed early. I guess I just really need the rest. And today I ate lunch with G, C, and M in the (amazing November in Miami 80-degree) sunshine (under the palm trees, whee!) today too, which was great. Afterwards I went to sit in the student lounge and LC came to sit at my table and talk. Eventually it came up that I had a boyfriend person 5 hours north of here, and I was sad that I finally let it slip, but it was getting too close to the point where LC might have actually asked me out; and I didn’t want to have to tell him no. I do hope he still flirts with me though, I quite enjoy that.

Back to TV... yay TV!

wonderfully meandering long Real Life post... for the voyeurs among you :-D

2004-11-01T20:26:00.000-08:00

Well, just in case people DO actually care. Much has gone on in the past few months in my life.

Basically, it all comes down to: I LOVE MIAMI. I LOVE MED SCHOOL. I AM HAPPY.

:-D *dance*

As for the details: ....

(For your info, I keep my real (personal) journal on my computer, and then I re-edit the entries for later posting when I have time. Here are some yay!)

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Sunday, September 5, 2004
1:53 pm
Sitting in Melissa’s room at her parents’ -mansion- in the Gables with my feet up on the bed and Helen sprawled out reading “Goblet of Fire”

This past week has been a bit crazy. Hurricane Frances is currently irritating the fuck out of everyone by being the slowest, most horribly boring and annoying hurricane in all of history. It’s been “on its way to Miami” for like a week, moving at about 4 miles an hour (literally!!), and then it finally hits and it’s about 200 miles north of here. I mean, yay, thank goodness it’s not us that’s being torn up, but all the freaking out and evacuation and everything was a bit overwhelming for me. And Helen too, who was supposed to fly out of here Friday night, and whose flights were all cancelled until further notice – and for PseudoBoyfriend too, who was supposed to drive down here this weekend and hang out with us (and then ME) and who didn’t do so, because of stupid horrible fucking Frances. Hate her. Hate hate hate.

But otherwise, life has been all right! Helen came last week, on Thursday night, and after picking her up at the Ft Lauderdale airport (adventure!) we hugged and yay, and then went home with all her stuff & hung out for long hours. Then we slept (she gets the left side of the bed haha) and I went to class in the morning with Melissa on Friday. When we got home from class, we went shopping for food, ate dinner, and then went out to Townhouse, a club/lounge place on the roof of a building in South Beach. It was a med school thing, so we first stopped at some other students' apartment nearby and got all drunkified with the med students – what joys. It was pretty fun actually but I was not really feeling all that excited. The VMAs were in town so there was a lot of partying going on all around down the streets, and when Meli, Helen and I left to go to Crobar, we couldn’t get in because of the guest list, despite Meli’s constant flirting with giant bouncer David. (He did give us Crobar water though!) So we walked our tired asses home, laughing and happy the whole while.

The next night, Meli went down to the Gables to watch Dave Chappelle’s show, and Helen and I went to Payless Shoes (oh so close!! Like I CAN WALK THERE YAY!) and bought shoes to wear that night. Then we got totally slutty (took forever picking out outfits, but I ended up wearing this tiny white skirt with cherries on it, and a tight red tank top) and drunk on Grey Goose (took pictures of this whole business of course) and then took a cab to Mansion. Mansion is one of the "best clubs at the Beach" or whatever. Like I can tell. Anyway so we waited in this wretched line, hot and sweaty and sobering up, for a really long while. We had to pee so we took turns going across the street to Automatic Slim’s to pee and Helen got more drinks (I didn’t need more, believe me). While Helen was inside there, I saw Paris Hilton get out of a huge super stretch limo and go into Mansion, but she just looked like any other sluttily-dressed girl from the back, ah well. So finally we got in, and danced and hung out and explored, and the girl on the block with the really short skirt showing off her ass tried to get us up there to dance too, but by then I was too sober… hehe. We got drinks which were expensive and then drank them, dancing and dancing and chatting & laughing just like old times yay. So then we found some sexy guys in the techno area and danced all crazy up on them – mine was named Isaac and then a sexier one named Ronin (or something??) inserted himself between Helen & I and we all danced, it was so fun. Later I found out that David T had been there and watching us, ahhhh, scary stuff, and he told Melissa that he was impressed with my booty-shaking partying skills. Hehehe. So we danced, tried to get drinks from the guys, but they fell through, so we wandered and danced a lot more, and then finally were in so much foot-pain that we left. We didn’t have enough money for a cab, so we walked home down Lincoln Road. My new shoes were killing me so I took them off and had to hold my skirt up too, as it was really too big by that point. I stepped in gum. I was upset. Helen was sweetie even though I’m sure I was pissing her right off… And finally we got home. I showered and cleaned my feeties, then got in bed while Helen chatted on MSN to Rosscoe, who was all silly too. I said embarrassing things and Helen typed them, it was funny. Aw how I missed Australia at that moment...

And then Helen went to shower too, and we slept.

In the morning I was pretty sure I was definitely getting a cold (I was right) and for the next three days I sat in and listened to lecture from home, snuffling and snorting and coughing and napping. Helen was a trooper and actually went to buy me drugs too. Yay Helen. We hung out a lot since I was at home, which was good. I had really missed Helen and it’s so amazingly awesome to be hanging out with her again – we have so much to talk about. In England her brother asked his girlfriend to marry him and it’s really freaking her out. Also her sister and her husband are poor and irresponsible and keep asking Helen for money, and Helen is really stressed about returning home for the first time in 14 months. I know, I remember the horror and stress of coming home after my time abroad too. But then this hurricane delayed her departure further and it’s just bad. I don’t know what we’re going to do, we’ll see.

Then by Wednesday I was feeling better, but the damn fucking hurricane was on its way and they were predicting landfall here in Miami by Friday. They were wrong, naturally, but in the meantime I was all freaked out. I was sad I didn’t get to see Pseudo, really sad in fact, I was on the verge of tears for quite a while. I just wanted to drive home to the Ville and fuck this shit, but Helen was here of course and we couldn’t leave in case her flight left. And I was sick and I missed my Mom and everything, you know how it is. The painter had been there the whole week, painting and being annoying, but at least the apartment is fresh-white and bright. My bathroom might end up being light minty green instead of light yellow because of the strange tile color. The doors were painted white but now they stick so I don’t know what we’re going to do. At least the plumber came and did his thing and it’s all good with my toilet now. Oh, and classes were cancelled Friday and Thursday afternoon, and we had to evacuate the beach, so we moved all the important stuff into cabinets and into the bathroom (including the TV) to prepare for the possible landfall of the hurricane and came to stay with Melissa’s parents here in Coral Gables Fancy-Land. Their housekeeper like serves us food, makes all the meals, stands by and fills up your water – like a real live waitress/cook/servant. It’s really quite intimidating and I don’t think I really like it much, especially since she doesn’t speak English and I can’t communicate with her about what I need (because she really wants to do it for me, whatever it might be). Weird though, like fancy rich mansion living.

So we’ve been homebound for the past three days really, except that last night we were all stir-crazy and Meli, Helen, and I went out to Flanigan’s, this fisherman bar that was the only place open in the whole town. We had beer (Helen’s first beer in America!) and laughed and watched the hurricane slam into Fort Pierce on TV, while the closed-captioning scrolled past warning Miami residents to stay indoors and not go out – and we just laughed and drank and hung out at the bar. We’re not scared of you Frances! Then Jose (Melissa’s older brother, 34 years old) took us to a med student apartment on Coral Way where there was a Hurricane Party. We stood on the balcony and watched the rain sweep past and soak the streets, the wind roar by, and it was so powerful. All the "cool people" were there and I got hit on hardcore by one of them (name & details of course censored, sadly) but... (!!!!!!omigod!!) and I got to like feel up on his chest. It was very very sexy. The door was shut, he had no shirt, I was standing like right, right there in front of him, and then I was like ooooh. So I went to find a drink, hehe. But the hurricane kept blowing wind and rain, and there was a really cute, very sweet little ugly/cute Pug dog named PJ that was loving on everyone.

Eventually we were all so tired that we left with Jose... and there was nobody on the road when we left. And there was this HUGE FUCKING TREE in the road that had fallen in the wind and was blocking almost the entire road, which was pretty scary because I think if I hadn’t said something, he might not have seen it! But he did, we went around it, and it was all fine. And we got home at like 3:30 and went to bed at around 4 am.

Woke up today at 12, still rain and wind, but we’re going home anyway, and I should actually be packing. Hmmm yeah. But yeah it has been a really strange week, full of non-studying and much weirdness, and my brain is all messed up & I feel like I should go home this coming weekend to see my family & Pseudo, and still try to study at the same time, but who knows how that will work out. We shall see. But yes, now I’m out. … hehehehe.

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September 16, 2004

So today we had no classes, which was splendid. It’s Rosh Hashanah. I’ve been feeling coughy and phlegmy for days, but today when I awoke I found myself quite sniffly. And now, tonight, I’m miserably sniffling and blowing my nose every thirty seconds, even after dosing myself with Claritin. Poophead. Stupid immune system sucking.

Also this morning I called Circuit City, then Averatec, and discovered that which I already knew really: my CD drive is fucked. I have to ship my computer to California and have them fix it. At my own expense, I’m sure. So I’m a bit pissy, I didn’t get the warranty but even if I had it, it wouldn’t cover instant repairs or anything. And I have to back up my files, but how does one DO that without a CD drive? Right. So I beg PseudoBoyfriend for a while and he finally agrees to come down this weekend and “do work the whole time” while allowing me to back up my files on his Gmini or his laptop somehow. At which point I’ll be shipping my computer off to Cali to be fixed, whee yay. I do hope it takes less time than a month. But at least PseudoBoy is coming down (I hope, I think, well, he might let me down of course, so I’m not really saying for sure yet). That should be fun. Except for the cold part, that is.

Then to cheer myself up I went to Target to spend lots and lots of money that I didn’t have. Naturally. But I received my stethoscope (!!!!) in the mail today, hooooray!, which meant I needed to complete my Doctor Outfit ™ with some Clinical Dress. Which means, pumps, button-up shirts, and slacks. Target obliged and I was content. I bought some great shoes but I’m worried they’ll be too big with hose on because my foot will be slippery. Oh well, it was a lovely shopping experience. I bought lingerie (hee!) too! Yay! All around a good day in Miami.

Also, I found my Ace of Base CD from like 1992 and have been listening to "Waiting for Magic" on non-stop repeat for like two hours. I might be crazy.

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October 24, 2004

PseudoBoyfriend is annoying. It is not relevant how annoying. There are stories galore I could detail if I thought it would help. But it won't. But, I love him. And he wants me to call him "Boyfriend" from now on, not Pseudo Boyfriend (which, actually, I call him in REAL LIFE to people when I talk about him, so that's probably why he's annoyed)...

Oh OKAY. Boyfriend. At least he visits sometimes, though it's 5 hour drive. And he calls me on occasion. Wow I'm just SO lucky. Sigh.

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Also.

Things I love:

When I sip high-pulp orange juice out of a glass, and I can feel all the individual pulpy pieces stream past my lips and tickling my lips & tongue – I love that.

Waking up in the morning and looking out my window at the Miami skyline in the sunshine, the buildings bright against the blue water & all the sky pale. I LOVE THAT.

Kissing. Also very enjoyable.

Anime. Love! I've been watching FLCL, Gungrave, Wolf's Rain, Samurai Champloo, and KGNE (or whatever, I can't spell Japanese anything... um it's Kimi Ga Nozomu Eien, I had to look it up though. *shrug*)... Loving them all quite a lot.

Miami! The Beach! Lincoln Road and the people watching! Driving to school on the causeway, past the palm trees & the rich-people-house-islands, feeling the warm air with the windows down and the ALL-PARTY-ALL-THE-TIME Radio Station playing non-stop techno...

Yeah I love that too.

Cheers...
Cindy xx

Whee Blog.

2004-09-06T13:35:00.000-07:00

Yay whee blog. Yay.